I smile as I wake up
Yesterday night was so amazing, I had so much fun
the music, the dancing, the closeness between us.
blushes
I go into the washroom whilst smiling at myself in the mirror,
I’m faced by her bracelet on my slab.
The blush of pink turning to a deep red,
My heart drops, as does my smile
A memory strikes,
I run out to get my phone
Did I dream it?
Because if I did, Oh Lord I want to keep reliving it.
I play the events of last night again in my head
No no this can’t be it, is this right?
I see, her messages are in my inbox
Her string of words express how much fun last night was
I smile from ear to ear.
A bajillion thoughts run through my mind
I try blocking them but...
what my mother would say, OH GOD what would my father do?
This is the lock that would keep me in the house forever!
Oh no...
A night that seemed so fun, a few minutes ago,
is shadowed by horror
It seems like the worst decision I ever made.
It was...
stupid
impulsive
extemporaneous.
Or was it?
Something that feels so right, could it be that bad? I kissed a girl, and I liked it.
It happened when I was least expecting it;
I always wondered what it would feel like
but I never thought that I could muster up the courage to do it.
I’ve always known but finally being able to express it last night, felt magical
I didn’t want to stop doing it
I want to live my truth.
And that can’t be bad, right?
I stare at my reflection
I, I...am gay.
My mouth forming those words, and saying them out loud feels so liberating.
Finally.
I’ve always felt this way
Accepting it to myself has been an ongoing inner battle.
My truest self, won last night.
I know who I am.
It’s time to tell the world,
scream my reality
...to anyone who would listen.
By Misha Charlotte Francis
Commentaires